On My Own
by Mayhem777
Summary: On the eve of the New Year, Kyo ponders his existence and what he really wants from in life.


**On My Own**

**By Mahan Mayhem**

This is a little fic I came up with after I saw **The Used** at **The Taste of Chaos Tour** a few weeks back (It was so freakin awesome!). After I heard this song I knew it would be the perfect song for a Kyo centered fic. Also I should point out that this takes place the New Years before he met Tohru. Anyways enough of my rambling just read on and enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fruits Basket, The Used, or there song "On My Own"

**Warnings:** Language, Angst

**Note: **The text in** _bold italics _**is the song lyrics, _regular italics_ denotes thought.

**On My Own**

**Main House**

_**See all those people on the ground  
Wasting time**_

Kyo looked down from the roof on what used to be the New Years Eve Banquet. The other members of the Shoma family had enjoyed the banquet and had long since left to see the sunrise. It was certainly a rather festive evening. There was much laughter and everybody seemed happy. Yuki even did a dance to close the night, much to Kyo's amusement.

_**I try to hold it all inside  
But just for tonight**_

But as the night drew on, Kyo felt the same feeling he felt every year, emptiness. Every year it was the same. He would go to the New Years Eve Celebration, and try to avoid Kagura. Then when it was time for the banquet; he would watch it from the roof tops. Then everybody would leave to watch the sunrise and make a wish. Afterwards everyone would fall asleep ready to begin the next day of celebration. Very rarely did he stay the full 3 days.

_**The top of the world  
Sitting here wishing  
The things I've become  
That something is missing**_

The, wish… even his wish was the same, to beat Yuki and become a member of the family. But year after year he was met with disappointment. He still couldn't beat that damned rat, and he was no closer to being a member of the family. And so each year, he was banned from the attending the New Years Banquet. But it wasn't the banquet that bothered him; it was the fact that he was still considered an outsider. He was a Shoma by name but the rest of the family didn't seem to want any part of him.

_**Maybe I...  
But what do I know**_

He knew why too, he was an abomination, not even worthy to be called a human being. His skin, his face, his eyes; they were all a mask hiding his true form. Inside, he was a solitary hideous being. It was his curse, and because of it, he knew nothing other than the pain of being alone.

_**And now it seems that I have found  
Nothing at all**_

His mind drifted to the only person who truly accepted him "_Kazuma… master, you took me in when know one else would. You gave me a home; you treated me as human being… why? All I ever did was make you look bad, but you were never ashamed of me. You loved me as I did you… you're the only person who's ever understood me."_

_**I want to hear your voice out loud  
Slow it down, slow it down**_

Kyo's thoughts suddenly turned to Yuki; a feeling of absolute rage began to build inside of him.

"_Yuki…_ _your always mocking me, always trying to bring me down… I HATE YOU! IF YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN THEN I WOULD BE A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY! GOD DAMN YOU YUKI, YOU RUINED MY WHOLE LIFE!"_

_**Without it all  
I'm choking on nothing  
It's clear in my head  
And I'm screaming for something**_

Kyo took a couple of deep breaths in an attempted to calm himself.

"_Easy Kyo, you can't get too stressed out. You don't want to transform."_

Kyo looked back up to the night sky. Across the horizon he could see shades of light beginning to creep up, indicating that dawn was only a few minutes away. He looked around enjoying the last few moments of the darkness.

_**Knowing nothing is  
Better than knowing at all  
On my own **_

For Kyo, the nighttime always gave him a small sense of comfort. And this night was one of the best nights he'd experienced in awhile. He'd heard that a lot of people were afraid of the dark, but he welcomed it. It was so quiet, so dark; it was times like these that he could actually feel his mother's presences. Almost like she was sitting next to him; watching his every move. Thinking about his mother always brought out mixed emotions. On one hand she had accepted and raised him, but there were so many unanswered questions he wanted to know.

_**On my own  
On my own  
On my own **_

He felt his mother's hands touch his shoulder "_Kyo, what is troubling you?"_

Kyo lowered his head_ "Why am I here: is this what I am forever to be? Will I ever be accepted, will I ever be loved?"_

His hands tightened into fist_ "Mother… everyday that you were alive, you told me you loved me. But I knew the truth… you were ashamed of me."_

"_No Kyo that isn't true I loved you."_

Kyo shook his head "_No… it's not true. You're lying; you abandoned me just like everyone else."_

_"Kyo, I never…"_

_**ON MY OWN  
ON MY OWN**_

"STOP IT, STOP LYING TO ME! IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME THEN WHY DID YOU KILL YOURSELF? YOU WERE SO ASHAMED OF ME THAT YOU COULDN'T STAND TO LIVE ANYMORE! BUT YOU DIDN'T CARE… YOU LEFT ME WITH NOTHING!"

Kyo slammed his fists on the roof tiles "WHY THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!"

He fell to his knees and cried "I never asked for this."

_**Without it all  
I'm choking on nothing  
It's clear in my head  
And I'm screaming for something**_

He covered his face with one hand as his tears fell. All the pain, the anger, the hate, it seemed to wash away. As he cried his body suddenly began to feel warm. He wiped away his tears and looked up. His eyes immediately became blinded by a bright light. As his eyes adjusted, he saw the first sunrise he had seen in a long time.

"_I've forgotten…"_

_**KNOWING NOTHING IS  
BETTER THAN KNOWING AT ALL**_

He just stared out and admired the beautiful array of colors.

"_The wish…"_

Kyo's mind thought over his wish. He was about to wish for the same thing, but he stopped. He then felt a strange feeling wash over him. He didn't know what it was, but as it overcame him, he felt more at ease than he had ever been. Suddenly beating Yuki, the Shoma family, it all seemed so trivial. He then knew what he really wanted.

_**On my own  
On my own **_

Kyo closed his eyes as he thought of his wish.

"_Here I am once again, sitting on the same rooftop, seeing the same sunset. Andevery year I've wished for the same thing. But right now… it doesn't matter. I don't care about beating Yuki; I don't care about being part of the family. Right now, the only thing I want is to be accepted for who I am. I'm tired of being alone; I want to be shown what its like to have friends. But more than anything else, I want to be loved."_

_**On my own  
On my own **_

"This year…I wish for acceptance."

Kyo opened his eyes and smiled. For the first time in awhile, he felt genuinely happy. He hopped off the roof and walk out of the Shoma property. When he exited he turned around and took one last look at the house.

"_This year gonna be different, I can feel it."_

**End**

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this little fic. Now that I got this out of the way I can get on with my other projects. Anyways, whether liked it or didn't like it, be sure to let me know what you think. I always welcome your feed back. (I'll even take criticism as long as it's constructive. NO flames.)**

**Peace!**

**P.S. Btw, if you haven't already be sure to check out my new FB song-fic series "Memories Lost". And if you happen to be a Gundam wing fan check out my story "Soldiers of Apocalypse".**


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